


Photo Album

by thatasianpotato



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Hurt No Comfort, Iwaizumi Hajime is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Sad Ending, iwa is an idiot, someone pls give iwa a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27365332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatasianpotato/pseuds/thatasianpotato
Summary: An ache went through Iwaizumi’s heart as his hands traveled the overly bright cover, skimming through the glittered letters and Godzilla stickers. He took a deep breath and slowly turned to the first page.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 15
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Photo Album

Iwaizumi’s eyes opened to the sound of his alarm stealing him away from his sleep. He let out a yawn as he sat up; his classes for today weren’t scheduled until the afternoon, but he still liked getting up early. As he attempted to slip out of his sleepy state, his eyes landed on an open lamp light illuminating a head of light brown hair.

“Oi, did you stay up late again, Oik--” He stopped himself then, eyes widening as he realized his error.

“Hmm?” His roommate, who wasn’t  _ him _ , turned towards Iwaizumi, taking out one of his earbuds.

Iwaizumi quickly recovered himself. “I was just saying you shouldn’t keep having all-nighters.”

His roommate let out a sigh. “I know, I know. But this one topic is just really kicking my ass, but after this last page, I’m gonna go down to get some breakfast and then sleep. Thanks for looking out for me though!”

As his roommate went back to his textbook, Iwaizumi quickly made his bed and got ready to take a shower.

Iwaizumi paid attention to the cold sting of the shower, hoping that it could knock some sense into his brain. He was frustrated with himself. It was almost a year since he’s been with his roommate and almost a little bit longer since he last saw or talked to Oikawa, he really shouldn’t be making this mistake anymore. He tried to convince himself that it was just because sleep had still had his brain in its grasp, ignoring the voice in his head that it was for another deeper reason than that.

He made his way back to his dorm and reached inside his closet to find his clothes for the day. As he changed, his foot struck against something. He furrowed his brows and crouched down, reached inside, and pulled out a blank brown box. He couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath he had to take. Gingerly, he took it into his lap, blowing away the thin coat of dust that surrounded it. He had forgotten about it but reminded himself that it was for good reason. He should shove it back in the closet or throw it out in the trash, but instead, he finds himself going back to his bed and opening the box up. His head pounded at him to stop, but he was alone and as much as he hated to admit it, he missed the idiot and this was the most tangible piece of him that he had.

It was both a graduation and a going away gift from Oikawa. An ache went through Iwaizumi’s heart as his hands traveled the overly bright cover, skimming through the glittered letters and Godzilla stickers. He took a deep breath and slowly turned to the first page.

Iwaizumi knew he had loved Oikawa even back then. He knew it when they were little kids playing outside in the summer heat, licking up popsicle sticks, and playing tag. He knew it even when he didn’t because kids didn’t really have a good grasp of what love was yet, but he did remember the squeeze in his chest when he had seen Oikawa’s bleeding knee, the result of a rambunctious game of tag turned wrestling match. He remembered the overwhelming instinct that had overcome him, pushing him to blow on the wound as his friend cried and crack jokes that would make him smile. And that exact moment staring back at him. Their parents had heard Oikawa’s cries and found him carefully cradled in Iwaizumi’s lap. He turned to another random page.

The next picture was of the both of them holding up their new middle school volleyball jerseys. Iwaizumi’s eyes lingered on the gigantic smile that Oikawa’s face held; he missed that smile, he could barely remember the last time he saw it.

He knew he loved him then too. He could still remember the electric energy bouncing off Oikawa on their first day of practice. He recalled the way his eyes had been glued to how gracefully he moved even then. He knew he loved him then, but he was too stubborn to admit it then. Instead, he veiled it under insults and punches. 

The next page that he turned to shot an arrow straight through his chest. This was a more recent picture. It was of them in their last year of high school, standing side by side in front of the gym that would showcase their last tournament together, though when the picture was taken they hadn’t known it would be their last. He knew for certain that he had loved him then. Their last year had brought about all that bittersweet nostalgia of everything they had been through and how much they had grown together. He had realized how integral the boy beside him was in his life. How he had been there with him through every step; staying through the highs and lows. He had thought back then about how he could never imagine a life without him, which made present Iwaizumi let out a bitter laugh. He stared down at his past self, the poor boy had no idea what was coming for him. He knew that he had loved him so much then, but he was too broken to tell him. His eyes started welling up as the memories of the Spring High Preliminary washed over him. He had thought then that that was the bitterest defeat he would ever face. It nearly destroyed him and Oikawa. The anger and pain and silence and bitterness and tears that came and wouldn’t leave the week after was and would forever be seared into his mind. He was wrong about one thing though, the Spring High Preliminary was only the second-worst defeat that he would face.

The very worst was trapped on the next page that he had turned to. It was a picture of the two in front of Oikawa’s house. He had planned on telling him then, how much he loved him. Iwaizumi almost smiled at the memory of his pounding heart and nerves, how he had tripped over his words. Then his eyes found the suitcase beside Oikawa, a sharp reminder of what reality actually was. Iwaizumi Hajime knew then that he was in with Oikawa Tooru, you could even see it in the way that his face was focused on Oikawa’s instead of the camera. He knew he loved him, but was too cowardly to say anything. He had told himself it was for Oikawa’s sake since he was still recovering from the wounds of their last year and he was about to embark on a new journey to somewhere far, far away. He had told himself that he was being compassionate, merciful to not have to deal with the heavy burden of his best friend’s feelings. And maybe some of that was true, but deep down he knew the main reason was fear. He was afraid of everything that he would lose. If Oikawa rejected him, he didn’t know what he would do. So though his heart had been screaming at him to take his hand, beg him to stay, say that he could survive losing a million volleyball matches but could never bear the thought of losing Oikawa, he had merely given him a tight hug and wished him luck.

Iwaizumi’s tears had come down much stronger now and his throat felt like it was closing up, the weight of it all crashing down on him. It was so stupid how he had feared losing Oikawa and everything he did to avoid it was the very catalyst for it. He remembered the weeks after then, how he had become distant when Oikawa tried to call, fearing that he would accidentally slip up and confess to him anyways. He had remembered how much his hands ached to reach for his phone, blowing up with notifications from Oikawa, but he persisted. And persisted and persisted even more. He persisted until eventually the notifications slowed down and eventually ceased and he persisted as he moved into his new university without his best friend by his side, and he persisted up until this moment when he finally let everything out in heavy sobs. 

He put the album back in the box and shoved it back into the closet as if hiding it away would erase everything that it contained. Iwaizumi didn’t know how long he had stayed there on his bed, crying and rocking back and forth. It was only until he heard the sound of footsteps approaching his room did he attempt to calm himself down again.

His roommate opened the door, and Iwaizumi knew it was obvious that he had been crying, but thankfully his roommate decided not to bother him about it, purposefully not looking at him as he approached the closet to get changed. Iwaizumi had thought he could then sink into his covers until he heard his roommate’s voice.

“Um, hey, I know this isn’t your most pressing concern right now, but what’s this?” He asked, showing him the very box that he had just shoved into the closet.

Iwaizumi swallowed and then said, “Nothing I want to think about really.”

So, uh, is it okay if I move it somewhere else? I always end up tripping over it, to be honest, and I’ve been meaning to ask you about it.”

Iwaizumi stared at the box for a long time. It was a symbol of so many different things, a collector of memories. But right now, it was only a reminder of pain, defeat, and everything he had ever lost.

“Actually, you can throw it away if you want. Sorry that it was taking up so much space and that you kept tripping on it.”

**Author's Note:**

> day 3 entry for hq angst week !! prompts for this were photographs, defeat, and "i can't lose you too"
> 
> also sorry if this is really messy and underwhelming KJSKSAJLKSA school has come around again and i couldn't totally focus on it. still hope u enjoy it tho !
> 
> ♥ beeee / thatasianpotato


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